Self Image

             Today I want to tell you how to get out of your comfort zone. How do you feel when you look at yourself naked? Are you quick to judge? Quick to complain? Say you would love yourself if you were skinnier. More muscular. More fit. Why? Why does your happiness depend so much on your appearance? Because that's what society has told us. Technology is a wonderful thing, but it is so easy to be mistreated. Social media posts a million different ways on how to get skinny. Take this pill, eat this man made diet, buy this machine. Now I'm not saying it is all bad, a healthy diet and exercise plan is very important, but so is the reason behind it. Get the idea out of your head that you will be "happy" once you reach your goal weight. Happiness should not depend on a number on the scale.
           I know that this is all easier said than done. I know this because I have been that person. I'm overweight. I have been, I feel like, my whole life. I was a chunky kid that never lost the "baby fat." I tried different diets and weight loss pills. I tried exercising for hours on end. I have wasted so much time crying over how I looked. I'm 21 folks. I want you to imagine your little girl sobbing because she isn't beautiful because she doesn't weigh what she wants to. This is a very real thing that people (girls especially) are experiencing younger and younger with each generation. This also goes for girls who are underweight, who also cry because people call her names as well. Body image is a huge problem in society. This problem can be changed starting with you.
         Your children hear and see everything you do. They hear you complain about your weight, they see your distraught faces when you step on the scale, they listen to your diet conversations. And then they reflect on themselves. This goes for men as well. Your children look up to you, you are their idols, and when they see that you are not happy with yourself, they are not happy with themselves.
          Day 5 of my 30 day yoga challenge was "naked yoga". If you have never tried this I highly recommend it. You are so open and vulnerable to the universe that you feel a connection that you (I at least do) never feel anywhere else. I still struggle with body image. Not nearly as much as I used to, but like I said in my previous post, I let the words of others get to me and it destroyed the confidence I took so long to build. I never hate my body as much as when I do naked yoga, but I also never love it more than after I'm through. I know this may sound strange but hear me out. Yoga has so many bends, twists, and other movements then when my body does them I see all the rolls, the squish, and the jiggles. However, I also see the strong muscles flex, move, and tighten. When I am done with yoga and I sit there in meditation I give thanks. I appreciate my body. Today my legs were higher in three legged dog, and my bottom leg was stronger. My hips are opening up more and are starting to stretch and loosen up from all the tension I carry there. My core was stronger and my abs were flexing so that I could hold a lot of the poses longer than the last time I practiced. I see the progress. Each time allows me to learn to love and accept my body as it is.
        You are beautiful. Your body is beautiful because it carries a beautiful soul. Love yourself now and make changes to your body after (if needed.) Every time you see yourself naked, I want you to give yourself a compliment, whether you struggle with body image or not. This message we tell our brain has an impact on our self image. This compliment should not be "fake" in the sense that you look good only now that you've lost weight, or you will look good once you meet your goal. No. Now. Don't cave into what society says. If you've lost weight in a healthy way, great! But again, you cannot have your happiness depend on that. Happiness and self love come from inside.
         Loving ourselves as a whole helps us to love the outer appearance that we have. I may not be everyone's cup of tea and that is fine. I don't need to be attractive to everyone because that isn't what matters. I'm awesome! I'm fun to be around, I make people laugh, I'm a wonderful friend, and I have a good heart. I love myself and that IS what matters. I do yoga because it makes me feel good. I do yoga because it is when I feel like I am myself. Not because I need to lose weight or change my body.  I'm not perfect. I still have to work on building self love and confidence every single day, but I am making progress! Find your inner self. Who are you really? Accept your inner self, love your inner self, and you will learn to love everything about you, including what's on the outside.

            Until next time,

                                    Namaste.

Welcome!

          Where to begin? I feel like there is so much to say but if I were to write it all in one post it would literally be a novel. This blog is my story; my progression in yoga. I had tried yoga in the past and I really liked it, but I never imagined being able to feel this kind of a spiritual connection with something I only thought of as a difficult exercise. That all changed last memorial day weekend ('14)

           I randomly had the feeling to go to the bookstore. This was very unlike me, as I have read about ten books in my lifetime. I remember my roommate joking around saying "maybe you'll meet your future husband there!" But instead, I met someone better... well sort of. I had been reading for a bit and decided to roam the bookstore. I saw they had a yoga section so I thought hey, I like yoga, I might as well see if they have any books on poses. There I stumbled upon a familiar name. "Yoga Girl". I knew that name. I had followed this "yoga girl" on social media but I had no idea how huge she was, much less that she wrote a book. The second I saw it I knew I had to buy it without even opening it up to see what it could be about.

           I went home and sat outside in the sunshine to have some "me" time. I had no idea how much of a 180 I would do. I read these experiences from Rachel (Yoga Girl) and couldn't believe them. She had such a magnificent transformation! I read the whole book in a matter of a couple of hours. When I finished I sat there dumb-founded with tears in my eyes. What have I let myself become? I have been so bitter and ungrateful. I didn't like who I was. One thing that really hit me was that Rachel said we do not "change" we simply chip off the hard outer shell we have formed piece by piece until we get to our true inner self. Reading that book changed my life. I realized I wasn't a grumpy, bitter person. I am positive, bubbly, and fun to be around, and I needed to start letting my inner self come out.

          The entire holiday weekend I practiced yoga and meditation like I never had before, usually ending with tears as I released so much tension and resentment I had been holding on to. I returned to work a completely different person, only the different person was my true self. It was impossible to be in a bad mood anymore. Stress would roll off my shoulders like no big deal. I was never not smiling. Coworkers started to notice and even benefiting from my positive vibes. For the first time, I felt comfortable in my own skin. I was happy with who I was and how I looked. I would giggle and tear up sometimes on my way home from work just because the mountains were so beautiful! I didn't know how I never could've appreciated them like this before. Everything was beautiful. Everything was good.

          Then I lost myself again.

           I got too caught up in dating. Feeling like I wasn't good enough again. Boys would say hurtful things to me and I believed them. All of them. I kept trying to change, shape myself into whatever mold would please them at the moment so I would be accepted. I was so desperate for affection I didn't care about me. I like to think that the universe was testing me. I said I loved myself, that I was comfortable with every part of me. Then the universe would send a facade of a nice guy to make me prove my words. I failed. I'm human.

            This blog is documentation of my journey, back to self love, back to confidence, back to yoga. When I practice yoga it's not just poses. It's my time to quiet my mind of all the stress, judgments, and expectations. I am my true self for an hour during practice. At the end of each session, after savasana , I sit up with my eyes still closed and my hands at heart center just breathing. I sit and think of all the things I am grateful for. Yoga is tough. Thank you for my strong legs to hold me up and the ability to walk. Thank you for my stomach, that my core muscles help me balance. Thank you for my mind, to be able to focus on the movement and on myself. Thank you for my lungs, for each breath I take. Namaste.

            Ending yoga with gratitude is the most beneficial part for me. I remind myself every practice to love myself and to be grateful for the progress I have made. I am not as strong, or as flexible as I want to be, but that's what's amazing about yoga; it's a practice, even the best yogis out there are still learning, still practicing.

             My New Year's resolution for 2016 was Rachel's motto "yoga every damn day", but so far I haven't been the best. So I have decided I need to have a shorter goal in mind so that I have more motivation and can stay on task. I decided to do a 30 day challenge. No exceptions, no skip days, no cheating my own system. Yesterday was day 1.

             Day 1: Jim was my teacher. He is by far the best teacher I have had yet, and I have been to quite a few different ones. To me, he is one of the only ones that gets the concept of yoga. He understands the spiritual and meditative side of yoga. These days, especially in the West, yoga is an exercise only. No one gets excited to go to the gym so they can have a toxin cleanse and relax. They go there for one thing only, to work out. Jim teaches at a regular gym, but every class he is so inspiring that I think even those who went to just work out got a little more out of it than they were expecting. 

           I hope to inspire others as well as myself as I write my experiences in this blog. For those of you who are reading this, you are beautiful. Don't forget that. And tell someone else that! Spread the love!. Until my next post, I bid you farewell

                               Namaste.. 

                                                P.S. This is Jim and he is phenomenal!

                                                          sorry the pic is so blurry...