Manifestation

Hello friends! I have an important blog post to write today; dreams coming true by manifestation. I remember a while back reading Rachel Brathen's post about manifestation. What do you want in life? A big end goal. Well.. manifest it! Sending out good vibes into the universe is a real thing. It took me a while to get that in my head but I finally started to manifest what I wanted and guess what? It worked!

For maybe two years now I have wanted to become a yoga instructor. There were many disqualifying factors in my head that held me back. I was told I wouldn't make enough money to support myself, which isn't true. Not that I wanted to do it for the money, but you know what I mean. I also felt I was not strong or flexible enough. I can't do advanced poses. I'm too fat. I have stage fright and wouldn't be able to teach a class. I'm not graceful. Blah Bah Blah. SO MUCH NEGATIVITY!! Finally I just said fuck it! (Yeah I said it). All those excuses and insults were in my head. Why was I being so mean to myself and letting fear take over my body? That's not what yoga is about. That's not how I feel when I'm in the middle of a practice. Yoga is a practice for a reason an if you are like me and want to become an instructor, even if you're a beginner, sign up for YTT!!

Another reason I never enrolled was I didn't have the time or the money. Work was always in the way of YTT classes, but I couldn't work part time because I lived by myself and needed to write a fat check for rent every month. Obstacles will always come, you have to decide whether or not you will allow those obstacles to be used as excuses. Manifestation. Manifestation. Manifestation. I never let that dream leave the back of my head and just let those thoughts roam my brain and let it out into the universe and opportunity arose.

A little back story; I move in with my sister to save on rent and go to school. First I was enrolled in a vet tech school and was always uneasy about it. I felt I had made the wrong decision. Yes, I'm passionate about animals, but this was not the career for me. I would only be able to support myself on the income and never really be able to spend money on anything else besides bills. Finally after talking to my sister about feeling like I had made the wrong decision she asked what I wanted to do instead. "I want to teach yoga!" I blurted out. I had kept that in the back of my mind for so long I almost couldn't believe that it came out on its own without any filter or thought. Again work was in the way. I never thought it would be possible to attend, but still I manifested  that this is what I wanted. While looking around for different yoga studios to certify me one in particular came up. I researched into it because it seemed almost too good to be true!

Everything is done online so it's very flexible with my busy schedule. They have all the certifications and are a nationally recognized studio; they are the real deal. They have amazing reviews and a good support system if you ever need help. They are there for you all along the way. They were not as pricey as every other studio. And they had more hours, materials, and courses to study! Not only will I learn to do more poses and the regular vocab and anatomy you have to study, but they also teach you marketing for when I want to open my own studio in the future. Seriously a dream come true right?? You guys! It's Happening!! I'm going to become a yoga instructor!

Along with that, I wanted to do something on the side since teaching yoga 8 hrs a day is just unreasonable. I thought maybe massage or foot zoning (reflexology) would go along well with that. I researched that as well but nothing seemed to be working out. So I ordered my yoga materials and figured everything would just work out in the end. Karma is looking out for me! I went down to Cedar City for a friend's wedding. Since I used to live there I roamed the quaint little town for fun. I ran into this cute little shop that had a multitude of offerings. From massages, holistic healing, nail care, crystals, soaps, and yoga classes. It was the whole package! The girl at the front desk was certified in several of the massages so I picked her brain on what she did. Thai yoga, chakra balancing, and shiatsu were all things offered that I was unfamiliar with. She told me about the school she got certified in to do all these things along with the regular deep tissue massage we all know and love. And wouldn't you know it, they also have a campus in salt lake!

I came home and became obsessed with every detail about this school and why it was so unique compared to regular massage schools. I called them for an interview/appointment and ended up enrolling on the spot. Worried about financial status as I will have to work part time I looked at my financial aide options. Manifestation was again my go-to in this situation and again it worked. I got the ok for a big grant! Half of my schooling will be free because of it!

Now I am not writing this post to rub things in or make it seem as though my life is all glorious, but to prove a point that manifesting what you want in life is a real thing. It's the same thing if you've heard of a vision board. Making your bucket list a to-do list instead. As Shia Labeouf said best "don't let your dreams be dreams" haha! But for real, with some determination, heavy-lifting, and positive thinking, dreams are attainable. Put out good vibes and go for it! Things will fall into place. My dreams are literally coming true because I pursued them. Stop making excuse. Stop letting obstacles dictate your life. And above all, stop telling yourself you're not good enough to reach your goals!!

Until next time..

Namaste

It's been to long...

           Ok...so clearly blogging is not my strong point considering my last post was in February. Cut my some slack, this is my first time blogging! In case you were wondering I did finish my 30 day challenge though, regardless of that being three months ago.. And it was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. I've got to say I am quite proud of myself, I normally have a very hard time sticking to challenges, especially if they last more than a few days. Although I don't think my yoga improved significantly, I feel like my mindset did, and that's really what yoga is all about.
          Through thick and thin I pushed myself to do yoga for at least a few minutes regardless of how I was feeling. Somehow even on my sickest days I managed to do a mini 15 min session. I think that's why I feel so accomplished, I was so determined to last 30 days that this was the first thing I completed on my own without anyone pushing me but myself. So, sorry it took me so long to write about it!  It really was a big deal, I just got busy (and had a bit of writer's block) that I kept pushing this post off, and also I am queen at procrastinating.
           Today I want to focus my writing on finding your own "thing". Although I may not be super great at yoga yet, it is my thing. It makes me happy, and it makes me happy with myself and that's what is important about whatever your thing is. I noticed that without yoga there is a part of me that is missing. I'm not as happy or appreciative as I am when I am regularly practicing. After I completed my 30 day challenge I cheated myself again. Once the challenge was done I guess my mind thought it was done with yoga for a while. Boy was that a mistake. As much as my body would crave it my mind would talk myself out of doing it because I was too lazy and wasn't in the mood. That started to take a toll on my overall character. I wasn't as nice or forgiving because I continued to carry stress and negative vibes and didn't give myself a chance to cleanse out those toxins. My depression and anxiety started to come back and I didn't know how to handle it. I started fights over scenarios I made up in my head with my loved ones while they had no idea what was even wrong. Yoga relaxes me, it's my antidepressant, without it I do not show the me I know I am in my core.
            Not only did I crave yoga to detox from everyday stress, but I also started to lose the improvements I'd already made. For example, I just came inside from doing yoga for about an hour outside, and holy crap do I see a difference. This is why yoga is called a practice, you have to continuously work on it. Much like working out, if you don't go to the gym for a few weeks you've already started to get out of shape and it's much harder your first time back. However; I do feel so much better that I got to practice and enjoy the sunshine. Just this one practice has already relieved so much stress and started to crack at my hard outer shell to slowly let my inner, happier, self out. I think I was too focused on finishing the 30 days that I forgot to continue after the challenge was over. If I don't make it everyday that is ok, but I can't continue to go weeks without it. I feel like I am a better person when I do it daily because each practice teaches me to love myself, and when I do that I have so much more love for others and my surroundings. This is the type of "thing" I want everyone to find for themselves. One that lets you express yourself and be the cheerful person you are.
            It's time to be better. I want to make a note that I will again challenge myself to do yoga every damn day. There will be no deadline, no dates, and no forcing myself simply to prove to myself that I can finish a challenge. No. This is about relieving myself from the negativity. This is about chipping my outer shell and finding who I am on the inside as Rachel Brathen says, and sharing that personality with everyone. I'm not perfect, and there will be days I miss, but it will be worth it to change my mindset and my attitude. Positive vibes only. I want to share my happiness with everyone. I want to inspire. I want to change my outlook on life to back when I first started really getting into my passion of yoga.
           So here's to new beginnings. (Again.) It starts today. After today's session I already am enjoying little things like how green the mountains are, the sunshine, and the birds singing in the trees. I'm more observant and more grateful to be in such a beautiful place with so many loved ones surrounding me. I didn't change completely after just one time of practicing after so long. But it's a start, and it changed me today. I have to learn to take each thing one day at a time, and that's where my permanent results will come from. I will do my best every day and I challenge you to as well. Every day is a blessing, so be grateful. You are loved, you are enough.

                                                     Namaste

Be You

          It's been a while since my last post, and a lot has happened. This last weekend I felt horrible. I had a raging headache that lasted from Friday night to Sunday afternoon and my body felt like it had been hit by a truck. I stayed in bed or on the couch all weekend and only got up if I absolutely had to. However, the back of my mind would not shut up. I told myself I wouldn't cheat. No missed days on my 30 day challenge, and I stayed true to that as best as I could.
          I'm gonna be honest with you all, everyday I do yoga does not mean everyday is an hour. Sometimes it's only 30 minutes, but I still feel amazing afterwards. This weekend was about 15 minutes of mostly staying on the ground and doing floor poses that stretched out my back, neck, and legs since that's what parts of my body hurt the most. I knew exactly what my body needed. Listen to your body!! Yoga makes you feel amazing, but you can't over do it or you could get hurt (as with any exercise.) Had I done my normal routine of lunges and balance poses I probably would have taken longer to heal from whatever weekend bug I had. I felt like I cheated myself at first, but now looking back at it I'm really glad I listened to my body and did what I could without going too far.
          On a happier note; I tried a meditation class and totally connected with it! My boss, and long time friend, had connections with a man who opened up a meditation studio. I've tried meditating on my own and I like it, but I wanted to try this class to see how I could improve, plus I was told he was cute and single so how could I refuse!? So I went. Meditation is difficult, but it's also a good opportunity to dig deep and find yourself.  The first session was guided, so he told us when to breathe, what to think, and brought realization to ourselves in that moment. Then after a bit of stretching, on our second session, it was ourselves alone with our minds.
         Our teacher, Dallin, said a lot of really key points that made me feel better for having a less than clear mind. When you are alone with yourself, it's hard to keep the thoughts from racing. Me personally, I'm a planner. What do I have to get to after this class? What time do I work tomorrow? What am I going to wear? Etc. Dallin recommended counting our breaths and bringing our attention to each one. Notice that you breathe in, feel that you breathe out. Be in the moment. Wonderful moment. After practicing for 7 years he still finds it difficult at times to get to 10 breaths without a distracting thought popping up. The mind is an incredibly hard thing to quiet because we've lived our whole lives letting it run without a second thought. Focusing on your breath and nothing else helps a bit. I even surprised myself and got up to 7 breaths before I had a disruptive thought.
         Dallin gave the analogy that our thoughts are a log in a river: we are so worried about losing them that we cling onto the log and float down the river with it that we never even think that sitting on the shore is an option. We can sit idly by on the shoreline and just watch our thoughts come, notice them, and then let them go. I thought of this analogy a lot during meditation. Every time I had a thought I noticed it, then let it go. We have such a hard time quieting our minds because we don't want to let go of our ego. Our ego, or reputation, has taken so long to build up, that we can't even set it aside for a few minutes to quiet the mind and get to know ourselves on the inside. That is embarrassingly sad to me. What is it about ourselves that makes us believe that we don't like ourselves? Look deep inside. Count your breaths. Enjoy the moment. Every moment is a wonderful moment.
          After meditation I went to my yoga class, and had a whole new experience with that. When I meditated on my own I normally only did it for 5 minutes or so after yoga. Practicing yoga after meditation was a beautiful new thing to experience. My mind was already so quiet and relaxed that yoga was easier. I focused more on my breath instead of perfecting the poses like I normally do. Because my mind was relaxed my body was relaxed as well so the poses came more naturally. It was more enlightening than a regular practice is. At the end I felt so accomplished. I did it! I did well, and I was happy with my progress. I had a smile on my face the whole time and was just in a good mood in general. Not to mention they were perfect activities to do right before bed!
          Last night I went to a yoga class as well. This time my teacher told us to think of a positive thought. I chose "Be you. Feel the connection to your soul." Throughout the class she brought us back to this thought. "Whatever you picked, think of that thought right now as you go deeper in the pose." As the minutes ticked by and I was constantly reminded to go back to thinking "Be you. Feel the connection to your soul" I found the craving to do yoga for longer. I didn't want class to end. I felt so good about myself and I honestly felt the connection to my soul like I wanted. I could feel my energy heat up and create vibrations when I went back to my positive thought. I love me! This class was amazing because I was having a good time flowing with my breath and feeding my soul. I felt confident. Strong. Both in my yoga practice, and in my inner self.
          Each day, each time I practice yoga, it becomes easier to want to be ME. I'm getting better every time and it's a challenge that a lot of people miss because of fear. I challenge you to practice meditation, it's hard to quiet the mind, but believe me, it's worth it. I challenge you to have a positive thought in your next yoga practice, or even just in your day to day life. Come back to it throughout the day, notice it, appreciate it, and above all, be you!


                              Namaste.


                                         Also here's a pic of my sick self with bed head after I
                                    still managed to somehow do yoga. If I can do it, so can you.

                                                 

Self Image

             Today I want to tell you how to get out of your comfort zone. How do you feel when you look at yourself naked? Are you quick to judge? Quick to complain? Say you would love yourself if you were skinnier. More muscular. More fit. Why? Why does your happiness depend so much on your appearance? Because that's what society has told us. Technology is a wonderful thing, but it is so easy to be mistreated. Social media posts a million different ways on how to get skinny. Take this pill, eat this man made diet, buy this machine. Now I'm not saying it is all bad, a healthy diet and exercise plan is very important, but so is the reason behind it. Get the idea out of your head that you will be "happy" once you reach your goal weight. Happiness should not depend on a number on the scale.
           I know that this is all easier said than done. I know this because I have been that person. I'm overweight. I have been, I feel like, my whole life. I was a chunky kid that never lost the "baby fat." I tried different diets and weight loss pills. I tried exercising for hours on end. I have wasted so much time crying over how I looked. I'm 21 folks. I want you to imagine your little girl sobbing because she isn't beautiful because she doesn't weigh what she wants to. This is a very real thing that people (girls especially) are experiencing younger and younger with each generation. This also goes for girls who are underweight, who also cry because people call her names as well. Body image is a huge problem in society. This problem can be changed starting with you.
         Your children hear and see everything you do. They hear you complain about your weight, they see your distraught faces when you step on the scale, they listen to your diet conversations. And then they reflect on themselves. This goes for men as well. Your children look up to you, you are their idols, and when they see that you are not happy with yourself, they are not happy with themselves.
          Day 5 of my 30 day yoga challenge was "naked yoga". If you have never tried this I highly recommend it. You are so open and vulnerable to the universe that you feel a connection that you (I at least do) never feel anywhere else. I still struggle with body image. Not nearly as much as I used to, but like I said in my previous post, I let the words of others get to me and it destroyed the confidence I took so long to build. I never hate my body as much as when I do naked yoga, but I also never love it more than after I'm through. I know this may sound strange but hear me out. Yoga has so many bends, twists, and other movements then when my body does them I see all the rolls, the squish, and the jiggles. However, I also see the strong muscles flex, move, and tighten. When I am done with yoga and I sit there in meditation I give thanks. I appreciate my body. Today my legs were higher in three legged dog, and my bottom leg was stronger. My hips are opening up more and are starting to stretch and loosen up from all the tension I carry there. My core was stronger and my abs were flexing so that I could hold a lot of the poses longer than the last time I practiced. I see the progress. Each time allows me to learn to love and accept my body as it is.
        You are beautiful. Your body is beautiful because it carries a beautiful soul. Love yourself now and make changes to your body after (if needed.) Every time you see yourself naked, I want you to give yourself a compliment, whether you struggle with body image or not. This message we tell our brain has an impact on our self image. This compliment should not be "fake" in the sense that you look good only now that you've lost weight, or you will look good once you meet your goal. No. Now. Don't cave into what society says. If you've lost weight in a healthy way, great! But again, you cannot have your happiness depend on that. Happiness and self love come from inside.
         Loving ourselves as a whole helps us to love the outer appearance that we have. I may not be everyone's cup of tea and that is fine. I don't need to be attractive to everyone because that isn't what matters. I'm awesome! I'm fun to be around, I make people laugh, I'm a wonderful friend, and I have a good heart. I love myself and that IS what matters. I do yoga because it makes me feel good. I do yoga because it is when I feel like I am myself. Not because I need to lose weight or change my body.  I'm not perfect. I still have to work on building self love and confidence every single day, but I am making progress! Find your inner self. Who are you really? Accept your inner self, love your inner self, and you will learn to love everything about you, including what's on the outside.

            Until next time,

                                    Namaste.

Welcome!

          Where to begin? I feel like there is so much to say but if I were to write it all in one post it would literally be a novel. This blog is my story; my progression in yoga. I had tried yoga in the past and I really liked it, but I never imagined being able to feel this kind of a spiritual connection with something I only thought of as a difficult exercise. That all changed last memorial day weekend ('14)

           I randomly had the feeling to go to the bookstore. This was very unlike me, as I have read about ten books in my lifetime. I remember my roommate joking around saying "maybe you'll meet your future husband there!" But instead, I met someone better... well sort of. I had been reading for a bit and decided to roam the bookstore. I saw they had a yoga section so I thought hey, I like yoga, I might as well see if they have any books on poses. There I stumbled upon a familiar name. "Yoga Girl". I knew that name. I had followed this "yoga girl" on social media but I had no idea how huge she was, much less that she wrote a book. The second I saw it I knew I had to buy it without even opening it up to see what it could be about.

           I went home and sat outside in the sunshine to have some "me" time. I had no idea how much of a 180 I would do. I read these experiences from Rachel (Yoga Girl) and couldn't believe them. She had such a magnificent transformation! I read the whole book in a matter of a couple of hours. When I finished I sat there dumb-founded with tears in my eyes. What have I let myself become? I have been so bitter and ungrateful. I didn't like who I was. One thing that really hit me was that Rachel said we do not "change" we simply chip off the hard outer shell we have formed piece by piece until we get to our true inner self. Reading that book changed my life. I realized I wasn't a grumpy, bitter person. I am positive, bubbly, and fun to be around, and I needed to start letting my inner self come out.

          The entire holiday weekend I practiced yoga and meditation like I never had before, usually ending with tears as I released so much tension and resentment I had been holding on to. I returned to work a completely different person, only the different person was my true self. It was impossible to be in a bad mood anymore. Stress would roll off my shoulders like no big deal. I was never not smiling. Coworkers started to notice and even benefiting from my positive vibes. For the first time, I felt comfortable in my own skin. I was happy with who I was and how I looked. I would giggle and tear up sometimes on my way home from work just because the mountains were so beautiful! I didn't know how I never could've appreciated them like this before. Everything was beautiful. Everything was good.

          Then I lost myself again.

           I got too caught up in dating. Feeling like I wasn't good enough again. Boys would say hurtful things to me and I believed them. All of them. I kept trying to change, shape myself into whatever mold would please them at the moment so I would be accepted. I was so desperate for affection I didn't care about me. I like to think that the universe was testing me. I said I loved myself, that I was comfortable with every part of me. Then the universe would send a facade of a nice guy to make me prove my words. I failed. I'm human.

            This blog is documentation of my journey, back to self love, back to confidence, back to yoga. When I practice yoga it's not just poses. It's my time to quiet my mind of all the stress, judgments, and expectations. I am my true self for an hour during practice. At the end of each session, after savasana , I sit up with my eyes still closed and my hands at heart center just breathing. I sit and think of all the things I am grateful for. Yoga is tough. Thank you for my strong legs to hold me up and the ability to walk. Thank you for my stomach, that my core muscles help me balance. Thank you for my mind, to be able to focus on the movement and on myself. Thank you for my lungs, for each breath I take. Namaste.

            Ending yoga with gratitude is the most beneficial part for me. I remind myself every practice to love myself and to be grateful for the progress I have made. I am not as strong, or as flexible as I want to be, but that's what's amazing about yoga; it's a practice, even the best yogis out there are still learning, still practicing.

             My New Year's resolution for 2016 was Rachel's motto "yoga every damn day", but so far I haven't been the best. So I have decided I need to have a shorter goal in mind so that I have more motivation and can stay on task. I decided to do a 30 day challenge. No exceptions, no skip days, no cheating my own system. Yesterday was day 1.

             Day 1: Jim was my teacher. He is by far the best teacher I have had yet, and I have been to quite a few different ones. To me, he is one of the only ones that gets the concept of yoga. He understands the spiritual and meditative side of yoga. These days, especially in the West, yoga is an exercise only. No one gets excited to go to the gym so they can have a toxin cleanse and relax. They go there for one thing only, to work out. Jim teaches at a regular gym, but every class he is so inspiring that I think even those who went to just work out got a little more out of it than they were expecting. 

           I hope to inspire others as well as myself as I write my experiences in this blog. For those of you who are reading this, you are beautiful. Don't forget that. And tell someone else that! Spread the love!. Until my next post, I bid you farewell

                               Namaste.. 

                                                P.S. This is Jim and he is phenomenal!

                                                          sorry the pic is so blurry...